Broken Heart or Blessing Heart

Hello Readers, its been sometimes since I posted my article. As I seen the history, it was 2 years ago I wrote my article. Well, time flies and here I am back to blog. This time, I'd be great to announce that I am no longer student. Yes, I just graduated and looking for a job and starting my own career ahead.

Here I go talking about life.

Recently, I have fallen for someone that means the world to me. I have never noticed that this person has been there for quite sometimes until something moved me to be bold enough to say. Well, you can guess the end, it didn't work out and we stay as friend hopefully. But, I am here not to pity my self about my broken heart. I want to tell you how this person affect my life so much to the point where I changed my self for good constantly and he helping me to grow up as a tough, elegant and free person. Isn't he sweet? yes, he is.

I've been in love with several guys and it always turned out not good. Yes, i was mad, disappointed, broken hearted and pitying myself. However, As I growing to be a woman, I come across where I've been used by irresponsible boy. Well, lets not say irresponsible, It just a part of him that still learning how to treat a girl well the next time. I felt cheated. Yes, definitely, but luckily I was surrounded by loving friends including him.It was hard for me as a person who is been cheated materialistically to move on. However, I chose to love, forgive and forget. if you ask me, can I do that? No, I can't but God help me to do so.

As I moved on, I was telling him about this boy and the flow was so clear, the sweet memories only two of us know. The funny thing is that, he always been there every time I need him. His advice simple and realistic but it always reminds me to stay true to yourself like to face reality though its hard. I can't describe detail but it still clear in my picture how I can so much trust him while I'm having a hard time to trust anyone.

Throughout the journey, we showing our cards, but as the time goes by its faded because my mistake. I was impatient and wanted to control everything as I want because my traumatic. I often apologize for my action and as many as apologize I offer to him, as many as that he willing to forgive me and move on. Through him, I found out the true of image of myself, with him I'm weak, only in him I can tell everything without being judged. I guess, its because we both are open-minded person. But, my fear defeat me and affect the relationship and I act according to my fear.

Once again, I felt cheated and jealous and my personal belief was shaken. Usually, it is not easy for me to trust someone again who has done something clearly offended me but not with him. While others says "what you see is what you get and its reality" but deep down of me, says to forgive, forget the past and live in present and to once again to trust him. But, it took sometimes for me to consider that. While I can't sleep, I pray early at dawn 3am, I pray,

"God, I don't know how to pray in my situation currently but deep down of my heart I know You know EVERY SINGLE thing of my life. Help me to understand the situation." Silence for quite sometimes and I begun again "Lord, if You want me to forgive, forget and begin again, help me to trust no man but You only. Help me to stay true to myself and begin again not looking back." During the second silence, I was captivated by small voice ask me to trust this man then I replied, "Lord, I trust no man but You, what ever you want me to do, not my will but Yours. I believe in You, Lord"

As I finished my prayer, I fell asleep right away. The next day, I could feel the atmosphere change and I felt restored. Once again, I experienced the power of prayer in my life. Until one point where I was forced by situation to be bold enough to say what I felt this whole time and again I could predicted the answer. It was puzzled enough for me till now.

Well, the truth to be learned is we are human with all imperfection in us, one way to help us grow is to brave enough to make mistake and begin again as we learned from our mistake. As partner of life, we have to be willing forgive, forget, trust no one but Lord and open space to make mistake. As this relationship begin again with its new beginning, I learned that too many people focus on the good things in the relationship without realizing that relationship should be an open space to learn a little about everything. Each person involved must be able to identify what is in your deep down, take sometimes away, surrounded by positive people. We were great but not great enough and not in the right time. I need to be willing enough to move on for good. If God want us to be together, we will be together someday. My broken heart has turned into blessing heart showered by His love.

X.O.X.O

May this article be a blessing for you as you read.

GodBless!