#01: Sharing is Caring - A Beautiful Messed

HELLO SEPTEMBER! Sharing is caring. This time I brace my self to write my personal experience. I don't know what are the thing that is broken in you rite now. But, hopefully it may bring message to you somewhere or somehow. 

About 6 month ago, I started to go into real world and that when my soul, faith, dream & hope were broken. Not too long after I started to spread my resume, Spiritually, i was stuck. The feeling of loneliness also strike me. I was experiencing disappointment with people surround me. I felt like i was all alone.

That time, my thoughts filled with disappointments, worry of the future and what should I do. The broken dreams to make people surround me happy, self-blaming that i never good enough, broken hope to be a good daughter & sister. That 2 months kinda torture my faith. 

In those 2 months, I was lost. I was full of negativity and trying so hard to make things the way it used to be. The people who I used to trust, they were no longer in my list. The community I used to attend, it turned out be just an activity to fill up my schedule. I am a messed, I was no longer took care of myself. I can't even look at myself in the mirror. I ate all those junk foods. Stayed up all night, and laid down for whole day with those negativity. I can't even sleep. Once again, I was not happy with my self.

However, still I read bible and did praise and worship depending on my mood. But most of the time I spent my time complaining to God and blaming God. I thought, by doing it, God will pleased with me and give the things that I want. But, He was not. He let me in that valley but He never leave me. It was literally everyday I stumble in broken soul, hope, dream & faith. I was almost give up in life and didn't know what kind of life that I was living for.

Those 2 months, if I could illustrate our life as a mountain. It was the moments when we are walking uphill to the top of a mountain. It cost me unseen pain, sweat & effort to just get back up everyday to find if there is still miracle.

I do not know how and when exactly I got backed up and deciding to change my lifestyle. But I knew exactly that I was off track and I needed a change. But I do not know where to begin. I only remembered on Sunday noon after mass after my bro went for school aboard last month, no one is home. At that time, I know for sure that my Dad is going to call either me or my elder sist to come home despite the financial term sooner or later. I was scared and panicked. I can only think of How to get a job soon. That's the time I wake up and determined my self to change the way I thoughts and fight all those negativity with His words. I know for sure that it was God that gave me the ability to pump up my faith in the uncertainty situation. 

A little determination brought such a hope that I could overcome the situation by His power. It was not easy. The pull and push of the earthly things sometimes drag me down but again I CHOSE to believe in HIS WORDS and PROMISES in daily reflection. I hang on to His mercy and kindness. Though I am still fighting, I just want to encourage each of you who read this blog to believe that the moment we turn our mind and heart to Him and singing His praises, He will not forsake you not even once. He will come and rescue you. This is not done yet but soon it will and when He said it is done, the suffering will bring such a great joy. 

I know how hard sometimes to live in the uncertainty with all the limitation that the world offer and the perfection that the world offer you to be. But, through this story, I learned my lessons. 

#lesson 1:

In the great suffering in the demanding world, God taught me to be more perseveres in my faith.

#lesson 2:

In the spiritual battle of emptiness, He taught me to be constant with him regardless how I feel to make my faith alive.

#lesson 3:

He taught me to have total dependency on His kindness & mercy.

P.s: He knows us better than ourselves. It may sounds easy to say but it cost a great sacrifices to understand it :)

Stay strong & know the Lord is near. 

Believe when it is done, you will be victorious & glorious sons and daughter. 

X.O.X.O

GodBless

The Significant Motive

I have been sharing my blog in my Facebook page and others platform and a lot of people asking me since when did I blogging. 

1Cor13:13

Well, I started my blog 5 years ago to improve my writing back when I was starting my college in Malaysia. The content originally was about my daily life there and most of it were subjective. It was so-called my private diary. Then, I stopped writing for quite sometimes, realizing that it was not proper way to write a journal. 

As I grow up, I entered university in Singapore, I joined in Catholic community (Charismatic Catholic Holy Spirit Indonesia. a.k.a KKIHS) and became active ever since. My faith is growing, my knowledge of catholic is deepen and I started to enjoy serving God with my talent in music. It has been 2 years and a lot of changes happen in my life in the way I see problems and handling the problem itself. Emotionally I am growing and my character is sharpen. With a lot of changes, I became grateful for everything that has happened. Thus, I decided to keep on searching, sharing and believing the goodness of Him in my life. 

So, I started my blog again with the intention that I could share what I believe in and what has happened to me with the hope that whoever read my blog are strengthen and given a new hope for whatever they are going through. I do not know what you guys believe in, I do not mean any harm or try to procrastinating in certain ways. If you feel blessed by reading my blog, do share and spread the words. 

You could also shared your thoughts and your experiences below. It would be awesome if we could strengthen each other because you do not know what you are sharing happen to give a new hope for somebody else!

PS: The tittle of the blog is named after "Little Ace Queen" its because it represents us-the small creature given opportunity to master of our own life. How we interpret life is how we life day by day.

X.O.X.O

We are blessed to be a blessing

May you be a blessing today

Have an awesome day!

The Prayer of a Sinner

Often, we as a seasonal human being tend to get tired of waiting. The period of looking for a job I guess the most bittersweet moments. Sometimes you may lose hope, sometimes you happy to just simply do nothing & enjoy the rest of the day yet desperately need a job. In this season, I personally often feel discourage, hopeless and pressured and frankly speaking stressed me out. The tendency of running away from reality and looking for a short cut is always there as part of human weaknesses. The losing of ourselves in the search of who we are often make us further apart from God, questioning our faith or even challenging the Creator. 

Thank God, surrounded by the right people and express ourselves in the positive way make us(me) able to go through the journey until we(I) find the light. I learned that focusing on the positive things, be honest to ourselves and keep on praying are the important keys to stay humble and patient enduring the trial.

Remember to always come back to God when you are done your "things". HE is ready 24 hours to just waiting on us to come back and ask His forgiveness. HE will make everything right according to HIS plan and time. Although it may seems hard, but it never as hard as you think it will. He promises us to never fight the battle alone, HE is always with us but HE needs our cooperation to just be still and let HIM works more on us. Thus, HE will make us more than a conqueror in this life.  

I was, I am and I will always grateful for the journey and will always continuously grateful for who He is in my life. The suffered not yet come to an end, the process is still on going and I am still learning. Mistakes will be part of it but I trust GOD more to turn the mistakes into a marvelous things.

It is my habit to always try to turn my emotions into anything that may bring messages to other. This time, a poem is a great idea to express my journey.

Be it Unto Me 

I have no melodies to sing.

Only a glimpse of words written in my heart, ready to be sang.

Let those words speaks louder, 

Be the witness of my love to You 

I do not know how much longer do I have to "suffer" in this battle

But I do know Your faithfulness caused me to be in this fight

and Yet You promised me a victory out of this suffering 

The eternal joy that lead me to the no longer question of "How much longer do I have to be in it"

and Yes, You shed away of my fear and offer Yourselves as the assurance. 

There are some in the form of music since I like music very much. I will try to share it with you another time behind the scene of this music. I wish you to have patient and humility in enduring the hard time in life. GodBless.

X.O.X.O

We are blessed to be a blessing

May you are blessed!

Beyond Feeling, Greater of All

I had a thanksgiving celebration for my graduation. and Yes, I am officially graduating and having a tittle Bachelor of Business (Majoring in Marketing, Management & Entrepreneurship) at the back of my name.

But, the party wasn't about it which might seemed exaggerated. Instead, it was about my gratitude towards the person who has been supporting me since 2 years ago. I came to Singapore and struggled to adjust myself with the environment here. Accidentally, when I was searching a church to attend nearby my apartment. I found an Indonesian Charismatic Holy Trinity Community (KKIHS) and with high enthusiasm I emailed the person in charge. Since then, I started my service and be a part of praise & worship team. Thank God until now I still part of the team and considered as an active member. 

On my G-Day

Along the way, I was planning  to transfer my university to Malaysia (and even applied already) because I wanted to study together with my others friends so that it'd be easier for me. All the documents were submitted and just waiting for the result. I was in dilemma to make the right decision. There were pros and cons but my biggest concern was I don't want to leave this community where I feel comfortable and warm at. I was not ready to leave the community and wanted to explore more with this community. Thank God, my gut feeling told me to stay at Singapore with its own struggles.

The love for this Indonesian community required sacrifices like difficulty to find a friend to hang out with, study with and talk with. It was hard and torturing. Luckily I met this a group of people and they are one of the reason I stay here though the age gap is quite a lot (but trust me, they are nice and awesome to talk to). These people from cell groups have helped me in any types of help physically (helping me do my assignments, giving their time, ears and shoulders to hear my complaints), emotionally (helping me to be more mature lady, in handling problems and way of thinking) and also spiritually (praying for me). These people are awesome. 

This 2 years has been a great year. Within this short period of time, anything can happen. With its ups and down, I finally graduated with satisfying score, grounded by the right people and at the same time given an opportunity to serve in the community (KKIHS) until now. 

Thanksgiving

This thanksgiving is to remind us that we are united in Christ and any kinds of help has impacts. I truly appreciate their "sacrifices" of time, mind, body and soul to help me reach the goal. I declare and admit that I graduate and obtain this degree NOT BECAUSE  I AM ABLE & COMPETENT instead because of the love for this community and continuously support from this community has enable me to stay strong and humble till the end of my education journey. Therefore, this joyful moments isn't about me. Let's make this thanksgiving as OUR THANKSGIVING as a community.

The endless supports also come from my very best ladies in Malaysia and Australia. Since I moved to Singapore, they ALWAYS make time for me whenever I need them (cause I often crying and they worry. how sweet is that? ;) ). They do always checking on me and asking me whether I am fine or not. They are amazing friends thou we miles apart. Unfortunately, we are at different zone, they can't attend my graduations but still they send me flowers on my G-Day! Thanks Love.

Not to forget, some of my friends at Singapore whom I met at the very last semester. I couldn't express my gratitude towards them due to their understanding of me who always make my community as priority. I always try to make time for them but most of the time its always clash. So, I only met them at campus and they play fair. Without them, my last semester won't be the same! Thank you and good luck! c.u guys soon! 

"With a humble heart, I thank each one of you. My journey is still long and has just begun. I ask for a pray so that I'll be able to get through the journey ahead and always grounded by the love of Jesus."

X.O.X.O,



Teresa Churchill
'And beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.'

(Colossians 3:14)

Be Still, Know I Am Here

A few days ago, I was starting my blog again. Since then, I am addicted or perhaps the right word is "Inspired" to write more about life. Life is something skeptical which each individual has their own perspective. At the very young age of mine, I have seen a lot my friends who is growing up and looking for what they really want in life and someone who has already knows what they really wants. Each of them are unique and we can't tell which one is the right one. Everything is depend on us and what kind of life we want to have.

Honestly, I am lucky enough to grow up in the family who is led by powerful person. My dad has gone through life for almost 60 years with its ups and down. His teaching pretty much hard to accept at the very young age. When I was a kid, there's a lot pros and cons about his teachings about the value of life. So often, he reminds me and my other siblings to live a life with meaningful stories. I was not able to accept what does it mean and even thinking that it was just a non-sense.

However, as I growing up, I have watch people surround me live a life in such various ways. I starting to questions myself "What am I going to do with my life?" "what kind of life I wanna live on?" At certain point, I don't wanna live a life in a just life. I wanna be something. I wanna be something different. All these years, I have been on the edge of life. I have been on the side where people looked down on me, where people don't trust me, where I have no one to accept me for who I am. It was few years ago. But how I am going to live my next life in a special way? 

I am here not talking about money. Let's put aside a thought of money. Well, for most of us, money is everything but have you ever thought that money is just a complimentary? That does not mean that we do not need money but life is so much more than just money. If we focus on the money, we might have missed the great things of life, the fun thing about life. Everyone deserves a good life after all.

Since I came to Singapore 2 years ago and decided to commit myself in serving Him, I begun to understand a little about myself and what kind of life I wanna have. I begun to study holy bible and getting deeper relationship with Him as I serve him through my daily life. I started to appreciate the little things people do for me. I started to learn be thankful in EVERY circumstances. Slowly, I validated what my man says. 

I begun to understand the meaning of life that he was talking about. For me, I want a life that can touch other's people heart and inspired them through everything that has happened and is happening in my life. I learn that kind of life that is not selfish and I believe that kind of life God wants us to live. That's not easy to live a life that God wants us to live. Even harder to know what kind of life God wants us to live. But God always says to me whenever I get weary on the journey to "Be still and know I am God"

That's it? yes, that's it, it is short but if we truly mean it, it is such a powerful statement. Just recently, a few hours before I started writing my blog, I was in the middle of "busy life" which is just laying down, watching movie and eating biscuit while waiting for a good news. At first, I thought I am going to feel relax but just by doing that I felt so much restless and tired. Then, a small voice from my heart told me to switch off all things like phone, laptop and light and switch on instrumental music and closed my eyes.

In the darkness and quietness of the night, I feel the presence of God saying "Be thankful, do not be afraid, your life is safe with me. Come to me who are labour and burden and I will give you rest" And at that very moment, I started to being thankful for EVERY LITTLE thing in my life. With a peace of mind and heart, I started to just enjoy the moment and begin to have conversation with God secretly about what kind of life that He wants me to have for the next 5 or 6 years. Pour out my worries about my career, partner of life and my family, the answer of all questions is JUST "Be still, Know I am God" I am still satisfied anyway. Then, I just smile and says Thanks God. Again I am renewed in spirit. 

My point is that, there is no point worrying our life and the little things in it. To have the life that we desire on like being rich and have a good life ahead is definitely something valuable for most of us. But what if we move our focus to live an unselfish life? could you imagine that the world will become a better place? Even your life will not be boring. The journey is hard, but God promise it will worth it because in everything you do, there is always a reward and it will not be vain. If we live a life as God wants us to live, there is no room for jealously. Everyone will live a happy life. Everyone deserve a happy life! Draw near to Him, Be still and know that HE is the God who can do ALL things more than you could imagine.With Him all things possible! Believe it and see what happens! :D

X.O.X.O

We are blessed to be a blessing

May you are blessed!

The Gift That are Never Fade Away

Dear beloved readers, 

I believe that God has given each one of us talent like singing, dancing, creating music, announcer or speaker etc. There are more talent inside of us that we should try to dig in deeper. If you want to explore yourself with many gifts that God has put in your heart, I believe your life never be dull. I am going to share one of my many gift that God give me.

Since I was a kid, my passion about music is bigger. I was dreaming to be a singer and composer. I didn't take any music education and honestly I don't know how to make a song. By the time goes, I never touch my passion about music other than singing. I never had proper lesson for music other than joining choir team in Church and my high school. The rest of the Technic, I only listen to singer who have pure/ natural voices like Beyonce and the feedback from various music talent show. I listen, learn and try to sing like them.   

Thanks God, 2 years ago I came to Singapore and joined Charismatic Catholic Holy Spirit Indonesia as part of team praise & worship. My passion about music is alive. I observe and learn from multi-talented people in there. I become obsessed with guitar and wanted to learn basic guitar. I started my guitar with Christians' songs and within 3 months, I could see the pattern of Christians' music. Since then, I told myself that to create a music is only a matter of creativity. If I could play with the simple keys and melody, there's always a music.

Thanks God, through the help from these awesome people, I could started creating my own music thou it is not perfect. Most of the song I create is based on what has happened in my life and what can I take as the lesson from that. Thanks God again, all the music was created by flow. 

What I am trying to say is that WHATEVER gift you have, go explore more, see what God can do with your talent to bless others. The talent is a gift and it should not be wasted in everyway, use it WISELY. Never lose hope and keep trying! The talent is just a talent until you brave enough to make others known. 

Here's one of my very own songs that I created last year in less than 12 hours with the help of my friend. The song called "The Untold Story" inspired by my relationship back then but it was too biased and I tried to go with it anyway. What I was trying to say is that we never know what is going to happen with the person in front of you unless we let it flow.

Here's the lyrics:

The Untold Story by Teresa Churchill

Ver1:

If Everything happen for a reason

I believe we meant for something new

Something that we yet don't know

Only God who knows

Ver2:

Is this somekind of mystery?

Mystery that together we should solve

perhaps you and I wonder

what would it be

Each day, each night we try to figure out

Chorus:

We walk just as it is

wondering what would coming

would you be mine and I'd be yours

or its only meant for dream

We walk just as it is

wondering what would happen

would you hold my hands

and walk together

or the life begins

with our untold story.

 X.O.X.O

May this be a Blessing for you!

Have a good day! 

Broken Heart or Blessing Heart

Hello Readers, its been sometimes since I posted my article. As I seen the history, it was 2 years ago I wrote my article. Well, time flies and here I am back to blog. This time, I'd be great to announce that I am no longer student. Yes, I just graduated and looking for a job and starting my own career ahead.

Here I go talking about life.

Recently, I have fallen for someone that means the world to me. I have never noticed that this person has been there for quite sometimes until something moved me to be bold enough to say. Well, you can guess the end, it didn't work out and we stay as friend hopefully. But, I am here not to pity my self about my broken heart. I want to tell you how this person affect my life so much to the point where I changed my self for good constantly and he helping me to grow up as a tough, elegant and free person. Isn't he sweet? yes, he is.

I've been in love with several guys and it always turned out not good. Yes, i was mad, disappointed, broken hearted and pitying myself. However, As I growing to be a woman, I come across where I've been used by irresponsible boy. Well, lets not say irresponsible, It just a part of him that still learning how to treat a girl well the next time. I felt cheated. Yes, definitely, but luckily I was surrounded by loving friends including him.It was hard for me as a person who is been cheated materialistically to move on. However, I chose to love, forgive and forget. if you ask me, can I do that? No, I can't but God help me to do so.

As I moved on, I was telling him about this boy and the flow was so clear, the sweet memories only two of us know. The funny thing is that, he always been there every time I need him. His advice simple and realistic but it always reminds me to stay true to yourself like to face reality though its hard. I can't describe detail but it still clear in my picture how I can so much trust him while I'm having a hard time to trust anyone.

Throughout the journey, we showing our cards, but as the time goes by its faded because my mistake. I was impatient and wanted to control everything as I want because my traumatic. I often apologize for my action and as many as apologize I offer to him, as many as that he willing to forgive me and move on. Through him, I found out the true of image of myself, with him I'm weak, only in him I can tell everything without being judged. I guess, its because we both are open-minded person. But, my fear defeat me and affect the relationship and I act according to my fear.

Once again, I felt cheated and jealous and my personal belief was shaken. Usually, it is not easy for me to trust someone again who has done something clearly offended me but not with him. While others says "what you see is what you get and its reality" but deep down of me, says to forgive, forget the past and live in present and to once again to trust him. But, it took sometimes for me to consider that. While I can't sleep, I pray early at dawn 3am, I pray,

"God, I don't know how to pray in my situation currently but deep down of my heart I know You know EVERY SINGLE thing of my life. Help me to understand the situation." Silence for quite sometimes and I begun again "Lord, if You want me to forgive, forget and begin again, help me to trust no man but You only. Help me to stay true to myself and begin again not looking back." During the second silence, I was captivated by small voice ask me to trust this man then I replied, "Lord, I trust no man but You, what ever you want me to do, not my will but Yours. I believe in You, Lord"

As I finished my prayer, I fell asleep right away. The next day, I could feel the atmosphere change and I felt restored. Once again, I experienced the power of prayer in my life. Until one point where I was forced by situation to be bold enough to say what I felt this whole time and again I could predicted the answer. It was puzzled enough for me till now.

Well, the truth to be learned is we are human with all imperfection in us, one way to help us grow is to brave enough to make mistake and begin again as we learned from our mistake. As partner of life, we have to be willing forgive, forget, trust no one but Lord and open space to make mistake. As this relationship begin again with its new beginning, I learned that too many people focus on the good things in the relationship without realizing that relationship should be an open space to learn a little about everything. Each person involved must be able to identify what is in your deep down, take sometimes away, surrounded by positive people. We were great but not great enough and not in the right time. I need to be willing enough to move on for good. If God want us to be together, we will be together someday. My broken heart has turned into blessing heart showered by His love.

X.O.X.O

May this article be a blessing for you as you read.

GodBless!